Daily Struggles

I love the man I married. He is the one i was meant to be with. I want him to be happy and live his dream of being a fitness coach. However, I have some concerns, issues, hangups, whatever u want to call it. Im not a jealous person, but I dont trust women. And I don’t always trust the man because I know how manipulative women can be.

I’ve gone thru life gettin myself into one bad relationship after another….even married someone I never should have married in the first place. This and every other bad relationship has severly impacted my self esteem at times and has made me question my worth and whether all relationships were like that or was there something wrong with me. Over time, I buried those thoughts and built up walls and boundaries to prevent those kinds of things. Hell being alone was better than being miserable, right? I was doing great and I thought I had suppressed my inner demons well enough. Boy was I wrong!

I dont doubt my husband’s love for me. I dont doubt my love for him. But how am I suppose to reconcile my issues? Do I just live blissfully ignorant? Im never going to give up on us….but I refuse to lose myself again. I need a sign……